Laughing My Ass Off!!!!

This happened a few years ago, but at dinner tonight we reminisced about it and I decided that I needed to share this with everyone. About two years ago, Mack and I decided it would be a good idea to use one of those extra large exercise balls at our computer desk rather than using a computer chair. We had it in place for a few months and it looked like the computer chair was going to have to find itself a new home. The best part about the ball was when I was doing work, I could bounce up and down in a sitting motion on it and work out my thighs. I thought it was the greatest combination and even Mack seemed to like it.

A couple of months after we got the exercise ball, Mack was sitting at the computer looking something up on the computer. I was sitting on a file cabinet box behind him and we were discussing whatever it was that we were looking at. Out of nowhere, our cat Carmine Falcone, came running around from hallway, into the room, and up onto the computer desk. During this acrobatic feat, he launched himself off of the exercise ball that Mack was occupying. This may not have been a problem if not for the fact that Falcone was not declawed and when he propelled himself from the ball to the desk, he used his claws for maximum pounce.

The sound of a lot of air rushing out of a little hole filled the room. Mack turned to me with a cartoon character shocked look on his face. His eyes were the size of saucers and his chin was hanging on the floor. In order to try and stop the air from leaking out of the ball and consequently landing himself on the floor, Mack tried to place his hand into the puncture hole that Falcone’s claws made. This was probably the worst thing that he could have done. Upon placing his finger onto the rubber there was an earsplitting rip that sounded more like a sonic boom. The entire ball exploded in a gush of air that blew all of the papers off of our desk and onto the floor. At the same time, Mack was removed from the sitting position that he had been in at the beginning of this chain of events and he was now lying flat on his back with his legs sticking up in the air. His face displayed a look of complete and utter shock. It was almost as though he could not process what had happened to him that had resulted with him ending up on the floor with little bits of rubber in his hair and surrounding the scene of the crime.

I too was lying on the floor, but not because the cat had decimated my chair. I was on the floor beside Mack because my body could not hold itself upright when it was shaking with uncontrollable laughter the way that it was. I was laughing so hard that I was barely making any sound. I wasn’t even able to breathe because my lungs were only able to work in a way that expelled air, not take any in. I was in no condition to move other than in an up and down chest motion much less ask whether or not Mack was okay. I do not know what happened to the cat in all of this, but I do know that he jumped at least 2 feet straight up into the air when the ball exploded. Or maybe that was Mack. It was all so fast that I cannot be sure which one did what, but I do know that the end result was Mack with a bruised backside and me making a mad dash to the potty. 

The air in bubble tea comes from the heads of the workers.

This happened a couple of years ago, but Mack and I still laugh ourselves silly whenever it comes up. 


We were at the Vancouver Mall and Mack was wanting a cup of sweet tea. We had looked everywhere when someone finally suggested that he try the bubble tea place to see if they had some. Bubble Tea? What the heck is bubble tea? Neither one of us had ever heard of it but it had tea in the title so it was at least a good place to start. 


When we found the place we were certain from the get go that there was no way these people would have sweet tea. Watching the interaction of the two girls behind the counter gave me little hope that either of them had even heard of tea that wasn't bubblefied. Little did I know that I wasn't far from the truth. I am amazed these girls had even figured out how to walk and breathe at the same time. 


When it was Mack's turn he walked up to the counter and asked the girl if they sold regular tea without the fruit pieces, flavors, and pearls whatever those were. This is the conversation that followed. 


Sales Girl: Pearls? We don't put necklaces in our tea. Oh wait a second, do you mean the tapioca pearls? Ha. Ha. Now I get it. I forgot we called them tapioca pearls. I do that sometimes....forget things, ya know? So like anyways, wait, what was the question?


Mack: What are tapioca pearls?


SG: They are pearls made from tapioca?


Mack: what is tapioca?


SG: (Blank Stare)
Um, Hold on (disappears to the back of the store and then returns with another girl.


Other Girl: What was your question?


Mack: What are tapioca pearls?


OG: Tapioca pearls? Well they are pearls that come from Tapioca.


Mack: What is tapioca?


SG: This is why I found you. I don't know (insert high pitch teenager girl laughter)


OG: Um, wait, um, I think, no, well, I don't know. 
They look like this (goes to container and gets a spoonful of tapioca pearls)


Mack: That looks.... interesting.


SG: They kinda look like big black balls of snot huh?


(Pan to see me in background barely able to stand up straight because I am laughing so hard)


OG: Yeah they kinda do. (To Mack) You wanna try one?


Mack: (looks afraid) ...What do they taste like? 


OG: I don't know. They don't really have a taste. 


Mack: So they taste like nothing? 


OG: Yeah!


Mack: So why do you add them to the tea?


OG: To give it flavor.


Mack: But they taste like nothing.


SG: & OG: YEAH!


Mack: So why do you add them?


OG: To give them flavor


Mack: What do they taste like?


SG: Nothing


Mack. But if they have no flavor, why do you add them to the tea?


OG: (getting irritated) To give them flavor.


Mack: Do you see what I am trying to say? You say that the pearls have no flavor but you add them to the tea to give them flavor. If they have no flavor, how do they give the tea flavor? Does that make sense?


OG: No.


SG: Wait, are you asking why they have no flavor if we add them to the tea?


Mack: No, I am asking WHY you add them to the tea IF they have no flavor. 


SG: I think I get it. You want to know why they are put in the tea if they don't taste like anything. Well they kinda have a taste. (takes one from the spoon and eats it) They kinda have a snot flavor and they are slimy like snot so it kinda gives it a snot flavor. Wanna try one? 


Mack: They taste like snot and you want me to eat one?


SG: Yeah.


Mack: That's okay, I'll pass.


OG: They don't really taste like snot. We boil them in brown sugar and water. They have a very sweet flavor to them. Like sugar. We use them to sweeten the tea.


Mack: So you add them to sweeten the tea?


OG: Yeah


Mack: That's what I was trying to figure out. Okay do you have regular tea?


OG: What's that?


Mack: Like black tea. What kind of tea do you use to make you drinks?


OG: You mean the concentrate?


Mack: What is that?


OG: Tea


Mack: Can I have some tea?


SG: We have concentrate that is made from tea, but not tea.


Mack: So the concentrate is tea.


OG: Yeah, do you want a glass of that?


Mack: (looks at me like he is about to snap) (whispers) Isn't that what I just asked for?


Me: (I am holding on to the stroller so that I don't fall onto the floor from laughing so much. Actually holding onto would mean I had some sort of control. I was practically laying on the thing to remain somewhat upright) I thought that was what you had asked for but maybe I heard you wrong.


Mack: (to other girl) Yes, can I have a glass of tea?


OG: We don't sell tea.


Mack (after his head explodes all over the wall) You just said you had tea.


OG: We have concentrate


Mack: Isn't that the tea?


OG: Yes


Mack: Can I have a glass of the tea concentrate?


OG: We don't have tea just concentrate.


Mack: (has lost his mind and is now insane) Ya, know what? never mind.