Get over it!

I am neurotic. There is no need to sugar coat it or pretend otherwise. I am not trying to get people to jump on here and pump up my confidence by saying I am not neurotic or anything like that I am just making a blunt statement so that I can make people see what it is like to be me. I have been cover to cover on the DSM IV (diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders) and I cannot find any that fit me exactly. There are several of them that come close, but none that I meet all of the diagnostic criteria on. Well I take that back, I do meet the criteria for ADHD, but that has nothing to do with the crazy that I feel I live with. I wish there was a definable diagnosis so that when people say to me that I need to let things go or stop stressing all of the time, I could just tell them that I have blah blah blah and it makes it very hard to just stop worrying or obsessing.

Trust me; I do not want to do the things I do. I would love to get upsetting news and be plagued by it for an hour and then move on. It would be a gift to handle stress the way normal people do, but I am not normal. I can take normal levels of stress and be okay for the most part depending on what the stressful situation is. If I feel I have the slightest sense of control over the issue, I do not take it into me like a poison. If, however, I cannot control the outcome of whatever I am stressed about, the stress fills me with a dread so crippling, it takes all of my energy to function.

When the stress gets bad there is a process that I go through. The very first thing is that my heart speeds up and my heart is not the strongest. Then the worrying sets in. I obsess over every single tiny detail of something until I am entirely consumed with it. I have no control over this and it is the one aspect of dealing with stress that I hate the most. From there, the nerves kick in and every little thing sets me on edge. After that the nausea takes over and I get so worked up and so sick that I am unable to eat or drink. If the stress is severe enough I can go for days with only a few teaspoons of something to drink and I can go for days and weeks with only eating a bite of food a day. It usually isn’t until the dehydration has gotten so bad that I am disoriented that I usually realize that it has been 2-3 days without more than a sip or two of water. It is about that point I realize that I am so tense; I am in danger of snapping.

As I said earlier, I am not saying these things for sympathy. I am saying them in hopes that people may understand just a tiny bit what it is like to be me. When I get stressed out it is okay to tell me to take a deep breath and try to relax, but telling me to get over it, let it go, move on, forget about it, stop obsessing, etc. does not help me, it makes it worse. I know people are just trying to help, but you can help me more by saying you support me and are here for me. Telling me I am overreacting only makes me feel bad which starts the cycle all over again.